Adventures in Athlete Talk Show Appearances

I went home sick from work the other day and was feeling like total crap. So I did what anyone else would do: put on my pajamas, curl up on the couch and tuned into daytime talk shows. I watched a re-run of The Talk that wasn’t holding my interest, but as I was about to tune out an ad came on for Dr. Phil promoting that day’s guest: Terrell Owens.

This I had to see. With no job prospects in sight, T.O. needed some exposure and apparently that is airing out your baby mama drama on Dr. Phil. Let’s just say it was awesomely awful. In a nutshell, he neglects his kids and skips out on child support for some of them. Dad of the Year! This got me wondering what other athletes should make an appearance on some trashy daytime talk shows. I’m not talking Ellen; think more along the lines of Tyra.

The Jerry Springer Show

There are some whacked out athletes, but Jerry is all about the bizarre story. That’s why I decided that a hockey player should go on Jerry: Martin Brodeur. If you don’t know the story, Marty is married to his sister-in-law. Perfect Jerry storyline. Marty fell in love with his wife’s half-brother’s wife. But it gets better. The sister-in-law was living with the Brodeurs and taking care of their 4 children when the affair began. Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!

The Maury Povich Show

If you’re a guest on Maury, there are only three things you could be on there for: paternity, slutty children or drag queen issues. So what athlete would make an appearance on this super trashy show? The obvious choice has to be Antonio Cromartie. Dude’s got 10 kids with 2 on the way. And he’s 28. He has two (and two on the way) with his wife, and eight others with seven different women. And Cromartie isn’t the only athlete that needs Maury. Karl Malone could have used it a few years back. Malone denied three kids from two different women for years. He ended up acknowledging the twins he fathered at 17, but curiously denies the third child he had at 20 born to a 13-year-old mother. The Mailman sure delivered on that one!

Dr. Oz

Ok, so this show is about health and being the best you, so athletes have appeared before. But one topic that Dr. Oz LOVES to discuss is poop. No, seriously, dude loves crap! This narrows down the choices for athletes considerably, but one guy keeps coming to mind: Najeh Davenport. How could we forget the infamous pooping incident of 2002? There’s even a blog named after the discrepancy. Davenport broke into a co-ed’s room and pooped in her closet in the middle of the night. Hey man, everybody poops!

Judge Judy

So this might not be a talk show, per se, but it definitely could host an athlete or two. I would have paid to have seen Judge Judy oversee the first Ben Roethlisberger rape case. That one, if you recall, ended up being a lawsuit that was settled out of court. While a Big Ben TV trial could be pretty epic, he is not the king of athlete lawsuits. That title would lie solely with Latrell Sprewell. Sprewell infamously sued the NBA for lost wages after being suspended for an entire season after choking his coach. He also sued The New York Post for $40 million after they ran a story claiming he injured his hand after punching a man whose girlfriend puked on his yacht. Classy. Who wouldn’t love to see Judge Judy lay into Sprewell? Again, epic!

Divorce Court

Again, not a talk show, but definitely trashy daytime TV. There is an obvious choice for the featured athlete guest on this show: Chad Johnson. Ochocinco committed a huge no-no when he head-butted his bride of 41-days. He got arrested, lost his job and was served divorce papers all within 48-hours. Talk about a bad couple of days. He could always write a song about it and top the country charts if the football thing doesn’t work out for him. I still vote for Divorce Court.

Athletes live some pretty crazy lives, and it feels like we, the fans, are not even seeing the half of it. Good for T.O. for giving into the temptation of airing out his dirty laundry on national television. Sports fans everywhere applaud your lack of privacy. Maybe he has opened the door to other crazy athletes who have some skeletons hiding in their closets. Who knows who might pop up on the next episode of Maury?