Kardashian Fantasy Awards Week 6
Quick recap, Kim represents best expected performance, Kourtney represents the best unexpected performance, and Khloe represents the most hideous performance of the week. Bonus category for the week is the lone true Kardashian male left, Rob.
KIM KARDASHIAN AWARD WEEK 6
3rd place – Greg Jennings (GB) Another overtime loss for the Packers, but unless you are a Packer fan it really doesn’t matter as long as Jennings gets his fantasy points. Green Bay has been hit hard by injuries this year, so if you can get someone to over pay in a trade for Jennings that might be something you might be interested it. Last week against the Dolphins, Jennings ended with 6 catches for 133 yards and one touchdown.
2nd place - Kevin Kolb (PHI) Kolb goes down in week one, Michael Vick has 2 good/great games, Vick goes down, and Kolb now as had two good/great games as well. In what should have been Vick’s revenge game against the Falcons, Kolb started and was 23 of 29 for 326 yards, 3 TD’s and one interception. Kolb put up those numbers with his #1 weapon DeSean Jackson only available for less than one half. If Vick doesn’t get his job back when he is finally healthy, he might give a call to some of his old dog fighting buddies and have them plant a “rape stand” or two in Kolb’s back yard.
Winner – Andre Johnson (HOU)/Calvin Johnson (DET) If the Johnson boys ever pulled a Miami Heat and joined up together, I could probably play quarterback and make the Pro Bowl. In a previous Kardashian awards I asked if Andre Johnson had a nickname like Megatron. I couldn’t find one so I nominate the next best thing to Megatron, which would be Optimus Prime. Optimus had 8 catches for 138 yards and a touchdown, and Megatron checked in with 5 catches for 146 yards and a touchdown.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN AWARD WEEK 6
3rd place - Chris Ivory (NO) After signing a couple washed up scrub running backs like Julius Jones and Ladell Betts to fill in for injured Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas, Ivory made his case to be the starting running back of the week in New Orleans. Ivory had 15 carries for 158 yards and one catch for 17 yards, pretty solid fantasy numbers even without a touchdown. Just like Calvin from WacArnolds, it looks like Ivory found himself a job for the short term at least. Once Thomas and Bush are back in the line-up, Ivory will just smell like french fries again.
2nd place - Ryan Torrain (WAS) There was a lot of buzz about how much Shanahan liked Ryan Torrain. Torrain took out his agression on the Colts’ defense on Sunday night with 20 carries for an even 100 yards and 2 TD’s. Of course Arian Foster went for over 230 yards against the Colts, but Foster has kept on producing and maybe Torrain can as well. Torrain was running over Colts like he was Tiger Woods going to an All-You-Can-Bang-Waitress-Buffet at the Sizzler. We goin Sizzler, we goin Sizzler!
Winner – Jeremy Maclin (NO) Even before DeSean Jackson’s “Conan the Barbarian” style decapitation, Maclin already had about 60 yards and a touchdown. Maclin finished with 7 catches for 159 yards and 2 TD’s. Maclin already had 4 TD’s on the season going into last week, but he equaled his yardage output from weeks 1-4 combined with this week’s performance. Maclin better be ready next week without Jackson next to him for the whole game if he doesn’t want to end up on the Khloe awards for next week like a certain someone that rhymes with Nicks did this week.
KHLOE KARDASHIAN AWARD WEEK 6
3rd place - Hakeem Nicks (NYG) And here is that certain someone right now. Hicks had 3 catches for 8 yards. Less than 3 yards per reception is even hard for a running back to do with 3 receptions. Hopefully he will play like this against the Eagles rather than his multiple touchdown performances earlier this year.
2nd place – Jahvid Best (DET) And we come to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Best. After his monster first two weeks, this is now Best’s second appearance on the Khloe awards list. The Giants defense has been good against the run, but any semi-decent running back should get more than 12 carries for 16 yards. The 6 catches for 31 yards helps a little. Putting up garbage games like this is very risky come fantasy playoff time. A game like this in the playoffs means your team will get “Smoosh Smooshed” faster than Snooki!
Winner - Miles Austin (DAL) Not only did Austin put up a pathetic performance on Sunday, 2 catches for 12 yards, he also busted out a leap frog in the end zone after a Roy Williams touchdown. I’m sure Duck-Duck-Goose is probably still the favorite game to play for Cowboys’ fans, but your Pro Bowl wide receiver should never be attempting it in games. If the rumors of a break up with Kim Kardashian are true (maybe we can get more insight on that from our newest and first FEMALE blogger JazSamia, welcome aboard!), Austin might get a lot closer with her sister Khloe here on the weekly awards.
Bonus Rob Kardashian Award Winner - Chris Johnson (TEN)
Alright this one is going to be tough to explain. Basically I just wanted to give this award to CJ2K based on his 35 yard touchdown run on 4th and 5 with under 2 minutes to go in the game. For all those Johnson fantasy owners who were trailing by 9 points or less, you were given a gift victory by Jeff Fisher’s decision to let Johnson get that last carry. And here’s the tie in to Mr. Kardashian, Rob has been given a gift of a pretty damn nice life thanks to his one sister’s sex tape and another sister who married a back to back World Champion Laker. I’m sure he does more than smoke weed and play NBA 2k11 with Lamar, but probably not much. Oh yeah and Johnsons’s final numbers from Monday night were 26 carries for 111 yards one touchdown with 2 catches for 20 yards.