Kardashian Fantasy Awards Week Four
Another week another bad performance by Romo, another late game collapse by the Vikings, and another two touchdowns for Megatron. Week Four is in the books so here are our latest Kardashian Awards (with a special Kylie Award from guest blogger Bernaldo).
Just a recap:
Kim Kardashian Award represents the best expected performance.
Kourtney Kardashian Award presents the best unexpected performance.
Khloe Kardashian Award presents the most hideous performance.
Kim Kardashian Award
3rd Place: Matt Forte (205 rushing yards, 23 receiving yards, touchdown)
Forte had 119 yards rushing in his first three games so this performance was pretty exciting for his owners. He's much more of a PPR weapon but he showed on Sunday that running the ball is still his FORTE? Get it??????
2nd Place: Calvin Johnson (8 catches, 96 receiving yards, 2 touchdowns)
Nobody can stop Megatron. Deion Sanders in his prime while on stilts couldn't stop him. Well that might be a stretch but whatever. He's on pace for 32 touchdowns. Let's see Optimus Prime do that.
1st Place: Aaron Rodgers (408 passing yards, 6 total touchdowns)
There is no doubt Rodgers is the best fantasy quarterback this season. He has all the weapons needed and he can throw 50 yards with a flick of the wrist. Plus he can grow a pretty badass Fu Manchu.
Kourtney Kardashian Award
3rd Place: Stevan Ridley (97 rushing yards, 1 touchdown)
The Riddler has arrived in Boston!! I've had an unhealthy man crush on Ridley since the preseason and he's been burning a hole in my fantasy bench. His role should only increase unless sneezes in front of Belichick then he'll probably get benched. Pick him up in all leagues.
2nd Place: Tarvaris Jackson (319 passing yards, three touchdowns)
Looks like all T-Jax needed was Sidney Rice to help him look like an actual NFL quarterback. Remember when the Falcons actually had a defense? While I don't like Jackson he does play in the NFC West so he might be a decent pickup now that the bye weeks have arrived.
1st Place: Beanie Wells (138 rushing yards, 3 touchdowns)
If you left Beanie on your bench after midweek reports about a hamstring problem I feel sorry for you. I also feel sorry for your dog because you probably kicked him once or two. He's been a lazy, injury prone waste of space for most of his NFL career but maybe, just maybe, he is ready to blossom. Probably not.
Khloe Kardashian Award
3rd Place: James Starks (63 rushing yards, 5 catches, 38 receiving yards)
The buzz on Starks leading up to Sunday's game was insane. Ryan Grant was declared out and the Packers were facing the swiss cheese Broncos defense. Well when your quarterback scores six touchdowns it doesn't leave many scraps for the other guys.
2nd Place: Rashard Mendenhall (25 rushing yards, 1 touchdown)
Osama Bin Laden's #1 fan was held in check against Houston. The Texans have red, white, and blue uniforms. Coincidence? Mendenhall tweaked his hammy in the 3rd quarter and didn't return. Isaac Redman ran hard in his place and is worth a pickup in deeper leagues.
1st Place: Rob Gronkowski (1 catch, 15 receiving yards)
My boy Gronk must have overslept. He must have eaten some bad shellfish. He must have felt sorry for the Raiders. Whatever it was Gronk World Order wasn't the same. He was probably busy figuring out the cure for lyme disease and was distracted all day. He'll bounce back next week.
Kendall's #TCAP Pickups of the Week
QB- Tarvaris Jackson, Jason Campbell, Alex SmithRB - Ryan Torain, Isaac Redman
WR - Antonio Brown, Jacoby Jones, Steve Breaston
TE - Benjamin Watson, Jared Cook (he shouldn't still be available)
DEF - Titans D vs. Steelers
Drop 'Um Like It's Hot
Rex Grossman, Chad Ochocinco, Hines Ward, Kyle Orton, Marcedes Lewis, Thomas Jones, Ben Tate, Lee Evans, anyone in a Colts uniform.
Kylie Kardashian Award from Guest Blogger Bernaldo
Special guest appearance from Bernaldo back on the K-Dash Awards like when The Rock goes back to Monday Night Raw once every 3 years. This week I am giving out the Kylie Kardashian Award for "Being Ignored and Overlooked and Eventually Will Blow Up Disastrously" goes to Chad Ochocinco. How would you like to live up to these expectations? Father: Olympic medalist and world record track star. Sister 1: Professional black snake wrangler, dated mutiple NFL players, married to the most boring NBA player on the planet after JJ Redick. Sister 2: Deeper voice than Enrico Palazzo, taller and harrier than Chewbacca, married to NBA and candy eating all-star. Sister 3: Well this isn't as hard to live up to, but had a baby with the most annoying douchebag on reality tv after that Spencer guy from The Hills. Brother: Speaking of annoying douchebags, don't forget Mr. Brody Jenner who is dating/engaged/has matching tattoos with the Canadian mouse-princess of junior high girls everywhere Avril Lavigne. (I'd still hit it though, like Banky in Chasing Amy, I have a thing for girls that say a-boot) Oh and her mother is probably the worst person on the planet, but has turned her family into millionaires and probably soon to be billionaires just for smiling and taking pictures with their hands on their hips sticking out.
Technically she is a Jenner, but Kylie Kardashian probably gets as much attention in her family as the new kid Seven did on Married With Children. Ochocinco has starred in reality shows, and been a number one wide receiver most of his career but has 7 catches for barely 100 yards in 4 games and no touchdowns. Time is counting down fast until all of the nagging from Ochocinco's reality show fiance (who was previously engaged to Antoine Walker, surprise surprise), the Boston media, or losing in Call of Duty to a teenage cashier from McDonalds on XBOX boils over and turns Ochocinco of 2011 into Randy Moss of 2010. If you still have Ochocino on your fantasy roster, your only excuse is being in a 30 team league that starts 4 WR each week. As for Kylie, I'm sure it won't be long until she is trying to outsell her sister in home video sales.
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