Kardashian Fantasy Football Awards Week 5

Kind of a bizarro fantasy week this week, especially in the worst performance category. Quick recap, Kim represents best expected performance, Kourtney represents the best unexpected performance, and Khloe represents the most hideous performance of the week. Our bonus category this week is for the two youngest Kardashian sisters, Kylie and um Kendall yeah.

KIM KARDASHIAN AWARD WEEK 4

3rd place – Hakeem Nicks (HOU) Like every week it seems, a player moves up from the Kourtney award to the Kim awards. (3rd place in both cases for Nicks) Houston's pass defense is the equivalent to USC or Michigan's in NCAA, and Eli Manning's favorite target in dismantling them this week was Mr. Nicks. He had 12 catches for 131 yards and 2 TD’s.


2nd place – Phillip Rivers (SD ) Although Rivers had two fumbles, he still put up huge numbers against the Raiders. Besides the fumbles, Rivers went 27/42 for 431 yards and 2 TD’s. I'm pretty sure that the replay official still felt bad for the Tuck Rule call against the Patriots because Rivers fumble that was returned for a touchdown in the 4th quarter looked exactly like Tom Brady's fumble 7 years ago. I'm also pretty sure I have a better chance at getting a job as a Special Teams coach in the NFL than the bum who let the Raiders block two punts in a row for the Chargers. Oh and of course, Phillip Rivers is a cry-baby.

Winner – Matt Forte (CHI )/Ray Rice (BAL) Forte destroyed the University of North Carolina Panthers' defense with 22 carries for 166 yards and 2 TD’s. Rice smoked the Colorado State Broncos' defense with 27 carries for 133 yards and 2 TD’s and 4 catches for 26 yards. If you drafted Rice within the top 5 picks overall, you were relieved he finally balled up. If you drafted Forte within the 5th round, you are getting top 5 overall productivity and have some big cojones after Forte's disaster of a 2009 season.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN AWARD WEEK 4

3rd place – Michael Crabtree (SF) Everyone knows Crabtree has skills, but on the season he only had 11 catches for 139 yards and no touchdowns going into Sunday night's game with the Eagles. Even with the Niners fans chanting "WE WANT CARR," Crabtree had a great game with 9 catches for 105 yards and a touchdown. Choosing between Alex Smith or David Carr is pretty much like choosing "Head or gut" from the movie The Last Boyscout, either way it still hurts.

2nd place – Malcolm Floyd (SD) I could have sworn Floyd already was a Kourtney award nominee. Already having a great season, Floyd "Stepped his game up" ala Money Mayweather against the Raiders with 8 catches for 213 yards and a touchdown. I know our blogger Jackson would love to see Vincent Jackson back on the Chargers, but as good as he's been so far, it looks like Floyd has TOOK YER JOB!



Winner – Ryan Fitzpatrick (BUF)/Shaun Hill (DET) Two scrubs that had nearly identical games, it really doesn't matter which stats were which. One guy was 20/30 220 yards and 3 TD’s, the other 21/32 227 yards and 3 TD’s. That is kind of scary actually how close the stats were. Hill led a curb stomping of the Rams, but Buffalo ended up losing to the Jaguars and last week's Kourtney award runner up David Garrard.

KHLOE KARDASHIAN AWARD WEEK 4

Just going to lump all 3 Khloe nominee's into one commentary. These guys are regulars on the Kim awards list, and that's all I gotta say. A top 3 quarterback, a top 10 wide receiver, and the number one fantasy running back on the year even after last week's game that Ronald Miller used to SHIT on Kenneth's house in "Can't Buy Me Love." (forty second mark)



3rd place – Peyton Manning (IND) 26 completions in 44 attempts for 244 yards no touchdowns and one interception.

2nd place – Anquan Boldin (BAL) One catch for 8 yards.

Winner – Arian Foster (HOU) 11 carries for 22 yards and 2 catches for two whole F’n yards.


BONUS KYLIE AND KENDALL KARDASHIAN AWARD Winner – Mike Williams (TB)


Pictured with their brother Rob, who will most likely be the bonus category award next week, the youngest sisters award goes to the rookie with the best performance of the week. This was a painful choice to my fantasy team since I dropped Mike Williams to pick up Mark Clayton whose season just ended with a knee injury. Williams has had a consistent season so far, and had 7 catches for 99 yards and a touchdown this week against the Bengals. With another big game next week against the struggling Saints, Williams could be on his way to an Offensive Rookie of the Year award to go along with his Kardashian.